don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
