He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
