he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
