She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
