Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
