i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
