so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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