She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize