What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize