Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
