you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
