I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize