there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
