If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We need to get me chipped asap
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
