Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
