Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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