I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
