Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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