I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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