I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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