All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
