I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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