just tell him i said nine months
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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