I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
