Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
bring money and cleavage
I just found puke in my bra..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
