i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
