I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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