I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
