I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How external is "for external use only"?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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