i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
