Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
