Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
