he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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