thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
