Ambien. No doubt about it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
