I showed him my bush... on skype.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize