His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
