what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Who died my cat blue again?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
