Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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