Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
