so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
