u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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