My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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