I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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