I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
