false alarm. still invincible.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
