I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Text me some of your sweat
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
