i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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