you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
