Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize