She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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