and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
