Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
