Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
