I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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