Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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