i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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