dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
