why do cheetos always look like penises
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
two words...techno handjob
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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