You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
