dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
