I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
