How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
