Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
