he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
