it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
