I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Randomize
