he thought i was a dude.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
