we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
