I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
