the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
