I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Vodka?
Forever.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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