i wish peter jackson would direct porn
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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