I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
