You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
