if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
